For the first time in my entire life, I'm depressed. There,
I said it. I have not told anyone, besides Michael. Well, actually, Michael
told me this. He knows me better than anyone and he was concerned for me.
I always had an understanding that depression means you have
bad/negative thoughts about yourself or someone else. I don't have this, so I
was not willing to admit that anything was wrong. Michael asked me if I would
take a depression test that he found online for free. I tested high for two
different types of depression. Both of the types are most common for women. My
depression is situational and I have no doubt that I can overcome it.
What does depression look like for me? The best way to
describe it is that I'm really down/sad a lot (privately). This is not common
for my personality. I smile a lot and don't cry much. Well, I still smile a lot
(especially in front of others), but then I experience moment's of sadness that
are overwhelming. I'll cry at night for no apparent reason. Michael asks me what's
wrong as this is not normal and I have no answer to give. Sure, I can
contribute some to pregnancy hormones, but it is more than that. I know inside
it is more than that. I also have found myself trying to be by myself or
exclude myself from certain people or situations. I ask if I can skip church
(so not like me) or say that I'll just stay home instead of going with Michael
somewhere (again, so not like me).
What am I going to do about it? Well, I'm not going to take
medicine. I don't want to get into a conversation about this, but I think
depression medicine is highly over prescribed like many other medicines in America
I did some research on natural remedies and throughout the
last month I have felt better doing. First, I take Vitamin D supplements. I
live in a basement, and I know that I am deficient in Vitamin D because of this
and not being outside much because of the weather. This has made a BIG difference.
Women (especially) don't handle Vitamin D deficiencies well.
I feel better when I stay busy and have a schedule. We
discussed ideas to help me accomplish this, and this has made the biggest
difference. I have cleaning, laundry and personal devotional goals everyday.
Third, I have drawn closer to God. I spend more time reading
my Bible and part of an encouraging book daily. I keep them out and close so I
see my Bible and book several times a day to remind me to take time to read.
Jesus said, "Seek first my kingdom and my righteousness, and all these
things will be given to you as well" (Mathew 6:33 ). I have also found comfort in Mathew 11:28,
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you
rest."
Fourth, I have limited my time on the computer, and I do
well most days. I started to write again (first writing this series). Writing
is a good outlet for me. Like most women, I think a lot. Whenever I get my
thoughts in writing I am able to release them better.
I also try hard to focus on positive thoughts and surround
myself with positive people. I try to avoid conversations and people that are
negative. While it used to not bother me as much I have noticed that negative
comments really get to me during this time and cause me to work much harder at
not feeling really down. I have been dwelling on these two verses a lot
recently.
Philippians 4:8, "Finally,
brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right,
whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is
excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
Ephesians 4:29, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come
out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according
to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
Then, Michael was rejected a few jobs that I had my heart
set on. This news was devastating, and I admittedly didn't handle it as I
should. It was a learning time for us and our faith...
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