Healing Has Begun

This past weekend we went to the Kansas City area (our old home). It was the first time we had been there as a family since the week of Christmas. We had a great time with family and celebrating my cousin's high school graduation.

However, the week of Christmas was really hard for us. We had a lot of anxiety about being back in the area and wishing so badly that we could just go "home." It was a strange feeling, and it made us realize we still had not dealt with or healed from the emotions of losing our house. All of this happening during a week that is supposed to be a lot of fun. We felt an immense amount of pressure to just go through the motions and act happy and like everything was fine.... to be in the holiday spirit.

In reality, we didn't feel it. If we could have gone to a cabin with just our little family for the week and never leave we would have done that in a second. However, I don't think our families would have allowed that. We were blessed to have a little alone family time (which doesn't happen much at all since we live with family and are always around family). One of our friends let us stay at their house for the week, but we were still busy and expected to be everywhere all at once with a smile. We did our best to make everyone happy with how we spent our time, but I felt like I just wanted to cry all week long. Christmas is normally my favorite time of the year, and I hated feeling so down. Michael felt many of the same emotions I was feeling.

When we left I felt a little relief not being in the same area where we used to live. Well, this past weekend was different and I'm so glad! I realized we have come a long ways in letting go of what we used to have. I only felt a sense of anxiety and nervousness when I drove to the actual town we used to live in. Emotions and feelings of "I wish I was driving to our old house because it's home again." I thought about driving by our old house since I was really close to the area, but I decided I wasn't quite ready for that. I knew tears would start that I didn't want to start.

It's exciting and encouraging to me to feel like we are making progress in healing from losing our home and business. I know that we will be OK if I never step foot in our old house again. We will be OK if we end up living in Iowa, Kansas or anywhere else. We will be OK if we don't move out next week even though we desperately desire that. Our identity doesn't come from where we live, what we have or what job Michael has. We are children of God. Period.

I know we still have emotions to work through, but isn't God so good! He can heal our broken hearts, and I know we wouldn't be where we are emotionally if it wasn't for Him!