Easily Offended?

A couple years ago I really struggled with being easily offended by others and their actions. It is something I realized and knew needed to be worked on. I have noticed myself not being offended anymore from events/actions/words that would have offended me in the past, and it's awesome!

I have a feeling that I am not the only one who has struggled with this, and I think women tend to struggle with it more than men. One reason women struggle with this more than men is because we talk A LOT more than men. We've all heard the statistics regarding this. Well, when we talk a lot, we are about to hurt and offend others. "When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable," Proverbs 10:19

As I thought about what I was taking offense to I realized that it was me being selfish and others were not meaning to offend me. When my husband first lost his job several people contacted him, wrote him kind letters that they are praying for him, etc. and it hurt me.

Why would this hurt me? It hurt because I felt forgotten. I felt like I should not struggle with my emotions like I was, I should always be the strong positive one, I should support him and I should pray for him. I did my best to do all of these things, but I felt like no one cared about how I felt or the emotions I was experiencing as the wife/mom in the situation. I heard comments over and over again like “How is Michael doing? I’ve been praying for him a lot.” to many times to count. When my husband received kind letters I couldn’t even read them because all I could think about was how no one cared about ME.

Noticed how much I focused on ME in the above paragraph. We're naturally selfish beings and think about our own emotions over others. I have always had God and a loving husband with a willing ear, which is more than many people have. I started thinking about why this was affecting me so much, and I decided that I need to make a choice to change. No one else needed to change. As I think about everyone that has supported my husband it is overwhelming, and if I was in their shoes (not having gone through the same situation as us) I would have asked about the husband and not the wife. I know all of the letters, emails and calls were loving people who sincerely cared for our family. I know no one intentionally thought I should be able to handle it all without support. When I actually thought about it that way my heart started to change.

Then, I heard a sermon a while ago where a lady discussed women being easily offended, and how we need to work on it. She said,“99% of the time people do not say or do things to intentionally hurt us. Most of the time words are just words and actions are just actions, we are the ones that chose to take offense to those words and actions.” I’ve never heard it said so plainly and simply, but the more I’ve thought about it I’ve realized how true that statement is!

I know I’ve offended people of whom I had no intention of offending. It’s easy to think how someone is intentionally doing something to hurt you, but when you ponder on it you realize that they probably are just not thinking about how what they say/do could hurt you. I (and I'm sure you as well) don't sit around thinking or words to say or actions to do to hurt someone. Of course there are people that do purposefully hurt others, but it's definitely not the norm.

I think the first step to not being easily offended is to change your way of thinking. Don’t dwell of what others have done to hurt you instead…

Philippians 4:8, "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."

I challenge you to think about anyone or anything that easily offends you and try to change your way of thinking. Think about what is pure, and not what is evil. I believe the devil tempts us to be offended. Since I have changed my way of thinking I have experienced more joy in my heart. Remember, taking offense only hurts you. It can affect every area of your live including your intimacy with God and your husband. When I am tempted to feel offended I pray that God will take those feelings away from my heart. I think about how the person was not intentionally trying to hurt me. The more I practice this the easier it seems gets.

2 Corinthians 12:10, “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Colossians 3 12-14, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ¹³ Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ¹⁴ And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”