Overcoming Discouragement

As many know, we have had a tough couple year. We have now lived with Michael's parents for almost a full year, and unfortunately there is no end in sight. This is an extremely hard reality to face. We are very thankful for this living option and his parents opening their home to our family, but it is still less than ideal.

There are many days I crave and ache to be just with our family, to not have to wait until we're in private to discuss something with Michael, and to run the house and always do things how I would do them. This is not anyone's fault, it is simply the situation we are in, and it's just plain hard!

Both Michael and I have a lot of days where we feel positive and content with where God has us and then there are days we are just done and want to give up. Thankfully, these are usually at different times and we are able to encourage and uplift each other when needed.

Well the last couple weeks have been very emotionally difficult, and I'm sure my pregnancy hormones effects some of it (at least how much I cry). Michael's been denied more jobs we were hopeful for him to get that would provide enough for us to live on our own. Each denial gets harder and harder to accept, and I often have feelings of hopelessness of ever being on our own again.

As I was crying to Michael about a week ago about all of these difficult emotions I'm dealing with he gave me some really great advice, which has made this week more bearable. I explained to him that I'm struggling with my thoughts. I'll be OK one minute, and then the next minute I have a thought of "I want to move out so bad." or "I wan more time with just our family." "Why won't God provide a job for Michael that pays enough for us to move out?"

He encouraged me to memorize a verse that we have reminded each other of several times this past year. Philippians 4:8, "And now, dear brother and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." Then, repeat the verse in my head when negative, not helpful, discouraging thoughts pop into my head.

I have been doing this and what a positive difference it has made! I still have lots of random thoughts and some days are better than others, but this new plan of how to handle the emotions actually seems possible. One thought at a time.

I have also accepted that it is OK to have bad days. It's OK to cry sometimes, and it's OK for us to have a deep desire to live on our own. However, that doesn't mean we need to dwell on the fact that we don't all day long. That isn't going to benefit anyone.

If you're struggling with your thoughts over a certain struggle I would encourage you to memorize this verse or another verse that uplifts and encourages you to spend more time dwelling on Him. After all, I truly believe and trust that His plan is perfect and His timing is not an accident. 

My Hands Are Full

Yesterday I went out with the kids in public by myself. We went to a doctor appointment for the baby, toured the birthing center at the hospital, went to lunch and picked up some stuff at Walmart before heading home. I now just expect strangers to make comments since there hasn't been one outing alone with the kids and when I'm visibly pregnant that someone hasn't made a comment. Every. Single. Time.

On the way into town yesterday I decided to count how many comments/what comments were made. Throughout our little half-day excursion we received six "Boy, your hands are full!" two "Are they all yours?" and one "Your children are just so sweet and cute." We also received lots of looks and finger pointing in between those comments as well.

I started dwelling on the number one comment made, and it made me think about a couple things. First, society has really changed in what they view as a "large" family. I know and understand that our God-given desire to have several children is not typical, and I don't expect everyone to have that same desire. However, I guess I never thought 4 children as a lot. It made me think about what is in store as we have more children.

Wasn't it just 2 generations ago that families had 4,5, 6 or more children and that was normal? It's crazy to me how quickly this norm has had a complete change in a relative quick amount of time. Just an observation.

I don't know why, but my second thought was, why are my hands all of a sudden full but weren't full when I had only 1 child? I don't remember feeling any less busy or having anymore free time when it was just Isaiah.

I'm convinced that while I might have different experiences with soon having 4 kids under 3 1/2 that someone with 1 child has their hands just as full. Weather a mom has 1 child or 10 children they are still a mom 100% of the time. They devote everything they have and all the love they have to all of their children all of the time.

So, I would say to a mom with 1, 2 or 9 children that your "hands are full." Being a mom is a lot of work, but it is also the greatest blessing I have ever had. As those in public will probably never stop making comments to our "large" family (especially as we hopefully have more children) I hope to express to the strangers I meet and to the little eyes of my babies looking at me that each and every child that God has given us is a blessing and I couldn't imagine having my "hands full" with anything else! Bless all you mama's with your "hands full!"