Struggle Series - Part 4

Read part 1, part 2 and part 3.

I felt a contraction for the first time ever. Yes, this was my second child to give birth to, but I never felt a contraction with Isaiah. I was induced with Isaiah and he was sunny-side up. Oh, the never ending back pain blocked out any contraction I might of had before my epidural.

I was taken back by this feeling, and Michael and I both had a laugh about the timing. My due date was in 5 days, and we had both prayed that Eli would not come until after Java Cone was closed. Well, he listened but sure didn't wait long. 5 1/2 hours later our precious little Elijah was here. It was very easy to forget about any worries in the world when I had this precious newborn in my arms. We had an amazing home birth experience, and I am beyond thankful that my labor/delivery couldn't have gone better.

We were able to escape reality for a little while but within a week we were packing up our house to move to my in-laws house. We showed the house to potential renters when Eli was just 2 weeks old, and our house was rented within a week of putting a sign in the yard (to prior Java Cone customers).

I felt throughout the next 6 weeks before we moved that we were just going through the motions. If I stopped and thought about leaving the house we loved and how the more we packed the more I felt like this was no longer our home I would lose it. Of course, I had some break downs, but for the most part we were able to hold it together. Michael has a very one-track mind, so it was his mission to get Java Cone stuff packed and done with and get the house packed. It was a blessing to him to have so much to keep him occupied.

It has now been 8 months since I have been in our house, and it's still very hard for me to think about. I don't know that I will be able to fully get past it until we have a place that we can really call home and feels like home. We have felt like we are in a constant state of visiting family, but we never have the feeling of going home or time alone with just our family. We call it home for our kids sake, but it doesn't feel like our home (as it's not and shouldn't be). We are thankful that we have family to stay with, but regardless we are living with my in-law's or visiting my mom, but we never feel like we're home (this is not our parents doing. It is their home and they should be able to make any decision regarding their home or give opinions about what we do. Just want to make that clear. We have no desire to control these houses).

 

It's very hard to trust God that this is His will for our family for a season. As someone that loves to host and takes a lot of pride in our house this has been especially hard. I do best when I go one day at a time, but there some days that are still very hard. A day doesn't go buy that I don't dream of having our own place. Michael was laughing about imagining when we do move out. Wherever we move to will most likely be really small and simple. I'll be so excited as people help us move that someone will think we won the lottery. Then, we'll get to our destination and those helping us will think, "You're excited about THIS?" Oh, yes I will be! :) I don't think anyone can truly understand the emotions and desires of living on your own until you have actually experienced it as it's 10x harder than I imagined it in my head prior to experiencing it.

About a month after moving here Michael was blessed to have a temp job doing construction work. We are incredibly thankful for this job. It was such a blessing. Michael just recently got offered a job to manage and start a coffee shop for a non-profit organization. We are very thankful for this job. While it pays well over minimum wage it still does not pay enough for us to move out and be on our own (thanks to our lovely student loans). This has been just as much of a goal as Michael finding a job, so this has been hard to accept this. While Michael has something in the meantime this job search is still not over. We both do feel, however, that God has given him this job for a reason. We're not for sure why yet (maybe just to help him get another job or maybe to sell our coffee equipment!), but the puzzle pieces for him to get this job that just fell into his lap is to much for me to believe it's just a coincidence.

It's been a trying time as we ask God, "Why?" We heard an awesome sermon late last year about peace. The pastor described peace not as an absence of anything (fear, lack of money, worry, anger, guilt, etc.). Instead, peace is the presence of Jesus. The closer we draw closer to God the more peace we will have in our lives.

Even though we know and believe God's promises, we struggle often with feeling that there is hope and to chose joy in our circumstances. Within the last couple months, after research, I was finally able to make a confession that I didn't want to make with everything in me.

Gratituesday - Marriage Seminar

This past weekend Michael and I had the opportunity to attend a marriage seminar called The Art of Marriage by Family Life. Family Life also puts on the Weekend to Remember conferences. I was a little skeptical of going. We have never been to a marriage even like this, and I've been let down by several Christian marriage books (besides the one we're currently reading called Real Marriage by Mark Driscoll!!). We've noticed a trend with Christian marriage books... its 90% opinion and maybe 5-10% Bible based. God has an amazing design for marriage presented in scripture, and I'm confident that we will be the happiest and most fulfilled in our marriage if we do things His way.

Well, I was very pleasantly surprised by the material presented in this book. It was very biblical and encouraging. It gave us several ideas on how to make our marriage stronger, more fun and more intimate. We've been through so much this past year, and well, living with your parents isn't an ideal setting to grow and strengthen a marriage (in fact it makes us feel like we have every force working against us to have a strong, healthy marriage). It has definitely been the hardest year on our marriage, but I'm so thankful that we have never doubted our commitment to each other. We know we're in this until the end, weather we like it or not. We also both have a desire to grow in our marriage, but we have struggled on how to do that recently. This is just the event that we needed, and I'm so grateful for it!

I wanted to share a quote that was shared at the seminar regarding leaving a legacy. It's from Steven J. Lawson's book The Legacy. This applies to everyone, married or not. They encouraged us to not think of ourselves by our current age. Instead, we should think of ourselves as ancestors. We don't have a choice about leaving a legacy, but we do have a choice about what legacy we will leave. It makes everything we do now have much more meaning. I desire to leave a legacy to my children about how much I loved their daddy. I desire to leave a legacy about how important God is in our lives, and everything we do with our children has meaning and will inevitably have an impact on future generations.

"Every man leaves a lasting influence that will affect future generations for centuries to come. Not all legacies are the same. What kind of legacy will you leave behind? A spiritual legacy is one that money can't buy and taxes can't take away. A spiritual legacy is passing down to the next generation what matters most"

I would definitely encourage any couple to attend a Family Life event. Our next goal is to go a Weekend to Remember conference.

 

Join us for Gratituesday at Heavenly Homemakers!

Struggle Series - Part 3

Struggle Series: Part 1 and Part 2.

We had been avoiding the conversation for a while, but we knew it was time to make THE decision about Java Cone. At the time all of the bills were barely caught up with home and business, but we knew that we didn't have much time left before our funds would run out. We sat down and looked at the numbers. We realized that our sales would have to increase by at least 10-15k/month in order for us to make it.

We didn't want to sound like we were negative or not trusting God that these numbers were impossible, but at the same time we wanted to stop while we were ahead instead of risk of going really in the hole with our finances. We talked to a couple of different people before making our decision. They advised that it would be wise to get out now if it didn't look like we were going to make it.

With lots and lot of tears, we made the decision to close Java Cone. I don't think I will ever forget that day. Michael informed our families of our decision and we began to plan how the closing would go. We decided to close 9 days after our decision. We already paid rent and many monthly bills, so we decided it would be best to get the maximum amount of profit for the rest of the month. We stopped ordering food besides buns and beef. We ran out of a lot of stuff.

We told our employees and our customers of when our closing day would be. We didn't know if we should do this, since most business' will just close down without a warning. We had several new friends, and I am so thankful we told them. The final day Java Cone was open, a Saturday, was one of the highest days in sales. My sister watched the kids, and I was able to be a Java Cone most of the day. I'm glad I was able to be there to say our final goodbye's to several of our faithful customers.

We got home that night, and in a weird way, we felt a sense of relief and peace. An indescribable peace that can only come from God. Philippians 4: 6-7, "⁶ Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. ⁷ Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."

We had both taken a shower and were in bed talking when, to our surprise, our lives we're about to change forever.

Cherishing Your Children

“Don’t you see that children are God’s best gift? The fruit of the womb his generous legacy? Like a warrior’s fistful of arrows are the children of a vigorous youth. Oh, how blessed are you parents, with your quivers full of children! Your enemies don’t stand a chance against you; you’ll sweep them right off your doorstep.” Psalm 127:3-5 (The Message)

More than once in the Bible God reminds us that children are a blessing. Do you really believe it and treat them like that?

Now that we have what many people consider a "large" family (3 and a little guy on the way) I can not believe some of the comments we get. The worst being, "I feel sorry for you." Why would you feel sorry for me?? My children are the greatest blessings I have! Today's society sadly views children as a burden, something to be avoided at all cost, to not have too many of, expensive, etc. instead of the perfect blessings they are. I heard a quote, "Children are not expensive, lifestyles are." This is very true.

We also receive sweet comments from other people. One night we were eating at Wendy's and we had 4 different people come up and make the sweetest comments about our family. One lady even hugged me! It was very refreshing.

Many people are mistaken that a blessing is something that is just given to you with no responsibility. It’s actually the contrary. All of God’s blessings or gifts that he provides come with responsibility.

If God gives you the gift of singing it doesn’t mean that you don’t have to work at training your voice.

If God gives you the gift of leadership it doesn’t mean that you’ll just be put into a leadership position with no work.

The majority of people would happily accept a $1,000,000 if given to them, but that doesn’t mean they have no responsibility with that gift or don’t have work to maintain that money.

Children are the ultimate blessing God gives us. Even though it’s hard work and sometimes a little frustrating, it is important to constantly remember that our little ones are blessings from God (even those that are unplanned by us, but not my God).

I’m VERY thankful God chose me to be the mother of my sons and daughter. I pray that God will help me guide them to Christ, will give me patience and will daily remind me to enjoy our special gifts.

So, when you feel yourself getting really frustrated or stressed with the responsibility of your child/children remember that they are a blessing that God have given YOU! They are “God’s best gift.”

Cherish your blessing(s) daily and daily thank God for your blessings. Ask God for wisdom, strength, patience and guidance on how to nurture and raise those blessings for His glory.

Struggle Series - Part 2

You can read part 1 here.

It was a struggle month to month to know if we were going to have enough money to make ends meet in the business and at home. This financial burden was overwhelming. It was hard because we felt like we had no one to talk to about it, and who would want to hear about our financial struggles anyways?

Somehow, by the grace of God, we were always able to make ends meet at home and at the business. It still doesn't make sense how we were able to do this as my income (the only income) was $1500 short each month for what we needed to provide for our family and pay all the bills. Many different situations happened to help us make ends meet. We were very discouraged, but still felt that God was with us and guiding us through.

I worked until the end of April when I lost my job. My home life was beyond stressful, and my job could tell. The most stressful part (besides finances) was child care for our children. This stress well surpassed the financial stress we had. In fact, I'm having anxiety as I'm writing this. I don't know if it's a stress you can understand until you go through it. We had different family member's and friends that were watching our children, as child care was not an option financially. We were thankful for these options, but it was always a different person watching our kids everyday and most of them were not reliable.

Many, many times we would get a call or text at 10 or 11 at night saying that they could not watch our kids the next day. I missed many days of work and sometimes Michael had to quickly reschedule people at Java Cone so someone could be home with the kids. I also was always constantly worried about them. I cried a lot, and I wanted more than anything to just be able to take care of my OWN children, as God intended mommy's to do.

The stress was so high on me and Michael. Michael actually got prescribed some anxiety medicine. I never took anything because I resist taking medicine in general and because I was pregnant. I often worried that the stress would hurt the baby, which made me stress more. We also stressed about feeling judged from others not in our situation.

This was a never ending cycle that took a toll on our health, I'm sure our internal age, our marriage, our spiritual life and so much more. I always felt on edge and if one person said one thing to hurt me I would just break down and cry.

Michael and I would both be lying if we said that we didn't both felt a sense of relief when I lost my job. Yes, this made the financial burden that much more, but it took away the more intense burden of who is going to be watching our children and taking care of the house. Words can not describe how good it felt to not have to depend on anyone to care for our children, and I was able to easily keep up on house work and cook healthy meals for me and the kids. This was still a tough time, but I felt a huge cloud lifted. Michael was able to focus more on Java Cone, instead of home, and we both felt more joy in our lives.

We sure missed daddy since we usually only saw him on Sunday's and when we would go visit him everyday at Java Cone. I was now in my third trimester and thinking more and more about the new little guy about to join the family.

This was a very lonely time for me. I had the kids, but I didn't really have many friends besides them. When others are going through a struggle like we are it almost feels like we have a plague. I don't know if others just didn't know how to talk to someone going through a tough time, or if they didn't know anything free to do. It wasn't an option to go out with friends for dinner like we used to. Throughout all of these months only one of our friends invited us over for dinner. Unfortunately I probably would have acted the same way to someone prior to going through this. One of the many things I have learned through all of this is how to interact with those who are struggling. They don't want to have a pity party, they don't want to talk about their struggles, they don't want you to fix all their problems. No, they just want you to be there and be a friend. To talk about anything BUT the business. A simple, "I'm sorry you have to go through what you are going through" then dropping it is enough... at least for me.

I really had to learn to depend on God, and that my identity comes through Him. Oh, how hard this was but somehow we persevered. I kept many emotions in as I wasn't wanting a pity party and I didn't know how to really express them at the time.

Two weeks before Elijah was born Michael and I knew that we needed to have a very, very serious conversation.

Struggle Series - Part 1

Anyone that knows me or my family knows that we have been going through a tough time the last couple years. It's been very hard with many ups and downs, and every time I feel like it can't get any worse, it does. We are still in the middle of this very hard journey. I'd be lying if I said we haven't grown or that I wish it was God's will for Michael to have a job yesterday.

Throughout all of this, we have in no doubt seen God's provision for our family, and though its been tough I trust that God does have a plan for us. I pray everyday that the joy of the Lord is our strength, and that we find our identity through Him not on Michael's job status.

I've kept most of my feelings through this process kept between me and Michael, but I thought I would write out some of the emotions we have gone through on this tough journey.

A little history. In December of 2010 Michael shockingly lost his job. This was devastating, but we didn't feel too discouraged. Michael didn't like the job as it was, and we we're hopeful that Michael would quickly find a new job. It couldn't be THAT hard, could it? We had some people tell us that they went through a season of unemployment, but it was always a short period (less than 6 months). The next 8 months Michael actively looked for a job. He did a couple of little jobs, here and there, but nothing that made much income.

Then, in August of 2011 we announced to everyone that we were going to be opening our own restaurant called Java Cone. We were very excited about this, and Michael had been working on his business plan and consulting with different people several months prior. It wasn't until we got some things set in stone did we know.

Java Cone was an ice cream and coffee shop, along with great burgers and sides (we were most known for the stuffed burger). There was no coffee or ice cream shop in town, so we thought it was a great opportunity for Michael to own his own business. A few months after we opened 4 new business' opened up (two of them being coffee shops and two of them selling similar food). This news was crushing, but we were still hopeful that we could make it...

New Blog!

Welcome to my new blog! If you followed my old blog (Mom Answers With Brit) this blog is to replace my old one. I was up for renewal, and I decided to go with the "free" option for a blog. For those that read my old blog I will be posting some similar post (or the same that's updated) to get my favorite post backed-up online again. I'll post them slowly so it's not all at once. :)

I'm excited to start writing and sharing our life with you all again. I plan to write and share pics about what's going on in our life. I'll share what's on my mind or what I'm learning as a mom, recipes, parenting topics and devotionals/encouragement for mom's.

I'm excited to have an online presence online again and an outlet for my thoughts!